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Femmes we are — looking weird but somehow straight. We can pass [as straight], and it is so hard to explain that we can hate our ability to pass.

It has been both our allure and our betrayal, because we are dykes — women who are absolutely crazed for women — and how scary we are to our butches and even to ourselves.

What do we do with it all? Struggles within struggles within struggles Nestle, , p. Skip to content. However, a closer look at the women engaged in these partnerships reveals notable differences from heterosexual couples.

The relationships between butch lesbians and femme lesbians do not make for a perfect parallel to heterosexuality, but rather make for a uniquely lesbian way of loving.

In other words, butch lesbians do not benefit from patriarchy. I also argue that the social roles and behavioral markers exhibited by femme lesbians are notably different from heterosexual and bisexual women.

This misunderstanding is brought on by expectations that all women find men attractive. Compulsory heterosexuality impacts all bisexual and homosexual individuals, because it is an inescapable cultural expectation.

However, some have argued it most deeply impacts lesbians, as heteronormativity is a concept created and perpetuated by men to uphold patriarchal institutions.

The very existence of lesbian relationships is a threat to patriarchy as it reinforces the notion that women can be self-sufficient and need not rely on men for companionship, pleasure, financial support, or physical protection.

Historically when women distance themselves from men, lesbian or not, they have faced ridicule and even abuse. It is important to examine compulsory heterosexuality when discussing femme lesbian identity, because femme lesbians, in particular, are impacted by it.

This often leads to challenges in coming to terms with homosexuality for femme lesbians. The common presumption that all lesbians are visibly gender non-conforming further reinforces the misconception that femmes who are attracted to butch women are subliminally attracted to men.

Notice this definition excludes mention of gender presentation. A femme attracted to butch women is simply displaying a preference for a gender identity within the female sex.

Therefore, because butch lesbians are of the female sex, the femmes attracted to them are no less lesbian. In the s there was a shift away from the once popular, and even obligatory, butch and femme identities toward the then more accepted androgynous style.

However, if the goal of radical feminists in the s was to liberate women from strict gendered roles, they would have been surprised to learn that the androgynous aesthetic felt stifling to butch and femme lesbians.

Because they were so visible, they suffered the brunt of street violence. The irony of social change has made a radical, sexual, political statement of the s appear today a reactionary, nonfeminist experience Nestle, , p.

This is particularly true in the current climate, where the terms have been appropriated by individuals outside of the lesbian community.

Its use by heterosexual and bisexual women can confuse the discussion around femme identity making it challenging to collect accurate data on the experiences of this specific population of women.

Femme can be used as both a noun and an adjective. Femme can be simply defined as a feminine lesbian. Femme identity is greater than just an outward presentation.

So if femme is not as simple as performance of femininity, what is a femme? There is no clear definition of a femme in any of the research I came across.

This lack of clarity can be attributed to the fact that femmes have had to reconstruct their identities in a postmodern world.

As Levitt et al. Little empirical evidence exists on femmes and femme identity. However, we have some research available, as well as voices from essays and letters.

To help give clarity to understandings of femme identity, especially independent of postmodernist misappropriations of the term, it is valuable to examine the history behind this identity—to shine light upon the accounts of boldness and courage that inspired Nestle to refer to femmes as the Lavender Lace Menace.

The term femme was coined in the mid-twentieth century and was defined as a lesbian gender. In the s, it became more acceptable for women to attend bars and restaurants alone without male escorts.

More men were away at war, meaning they were not home to keep lesbians apart. More women took up jobs outside of the home allowing for a previously unattained level of autonomy.

Lesbian bars gave lesbians a safe space to begin to develop a culture all their own, away from the influence of heterosexual men.

The bars operated within a strict set of social rules and expectations. Feinberg goes on to describe asking a drag queen if she can really buy a woman a drink or ask her to dance there.

Femme lesbians were marked by exaggerated femininity in clothing, hair, and makeup styles. The clear difference between a femme and a traditional gender-conforming heterosexual woman, is that these efforts of attention-seeking—bright lipstick and seductive dress—were performed with the intent of attracting a female suitor, not a male.

Femmes furthermore validated butch women by choosing them and flaunting their affection in the presence of men who degraded butch women for their gender non-conformity.

Femmes were seen as sources for support and emotional respite within a community under constant threat of violence at the hands of heterosexual men.

However, the relationship femmes had to butches in the community was largely different than the one heterosexual women had with heterosexual men. Femmes were not seen as inferior in lesbian communities.

Rather than casting femmes in traditional feminine stereotypes of weakness or passivity, their femininity was celebrated as brave and even radical.

Femme lesbian identity solidified in lesbian communities into the s. Femmes gained respect and femme identity was recognized as a valuable lesbian gender within the community.

Rather than casting femmes in traditional feminine stereotypes of weakness or passivity, their femininity was celebrated as brave and even radical Levitt, et al.

However, by the s, a shift occurred in feminist analysis that became increasingly critical of femmes.

Feminists, wanting to reject societal beauty standards that they felt oppressed women, held that femme identity was harmful to women. Feminists in the s opted instead for more androgynous presentation as a means of rejecting patriarchal beauty standards.

Femme identity, once respected for its unique place in the movement, was reframed as anti-feminist and problematic. Feminists were trying to liberate women, however, feminism of that era failed in this respect.

Many femme lesbians felt undermined and disrespected by the feminist movement of the s and s. The new, popular presentation of androgyny and rejection of femininity became pervasive enough that although these theories originated outside of the lesbian community, they eventually became popular in lesbian feminism.

This placed a great deal of pressure on lesbians who fit femme or butch identities to abandon these feminine and masculine presentations for a more androgynous style.

Nestle is quoted in Levitt, et al. It was not until the s that attitudes began to change again, and femme identity reappeared and regained popularity within the community.

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Be taken care of. Take care of my partner. Do you reject traditional femininity, or do you subvert it? In other words, do you perform femininity for other women and not men, or do you not perform it at all?

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LGBT portal. Retrieved January 25, Duke University Press. Sdal Press. Rutledge International Encyclopaedia of Women.

NYU press. Critical Introduction to Queer Theory. Edinburgh University Press. Irreconcilable Differences? Intellectual Stalemate in the Gay Rights Debate.

Greenwood Publishing Group. An Exploration of Lesbian Stereotypes". Journal of Lesbian Studies. Trans People in Love 1st ed. New York, New York: Routledge.

Archived from the original on June 3, Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. Vancouver, B. Female Impersonation. The Vagenda. Archived from the original on 31 July Retrieved 31 March Thought Catalog.

Alyson Publications. Bear Butch is a noun. San Francisco: Suspect Thoughts Press. Sex Roles. Stop Street Harassment. New York University Press. April 9, Archived from the original on December 19, Retrieved 11 September May 8, Archived from the original on 7 February Sex and Sensibility: Stories of a Lesbian Generation.

University of California Press. Pleasure and Danger: Exploring Female Sexuality. Susie Bright Journal. Journal of the History of Sexuality.

Boston, Massachusetts: Pearson. Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity. Arsenal Pulp Press. Visible: A Femmethology, Vol 1.

Homofactus Press. Green's Dictionary of Slang vol. Edinburgh, Scotland: Chambers. Lesbian Histories and Cultures: An Encyclopedia. Garland Publishing.

Lesbian Handbook. Retrieved 15 March The Other Team. Retrieved November 29, Cambridge Scholars Publishing. April 3, The Village Voice. The New York Times.

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